You can't go back
By Brent E. McCoy thereal@roadrunner.com

The previous column dealt with getting older. Those who remember that article will recall that when it comes to getting older, I'm against it. I am equally opposed to the alternative.

I'm sure we've all said or thought that it would be great if we could be young again. On the surface, it certainly seems like a good idea, but when you think about it for a while some of the magic disappears. You might put some conditions on returning to your youth such as, "If I could know then what I know now," or "I would like to be young in such and such a year." But that would be cheating. If you want to be young again you have to be young now, you have to know only what young people know- you have to go to school.

Remember, it's my column so it's my rules. Otherwise, I'll go home and take my pencils with me, and there will be no more of this writing of columns or mock sword fighting. (The writing process can sometimes be very complicated).

If I had a choice to be young again today, there just isn't enough money or enough of anything else to make me want to do it. It's tough being young today, and our youth don't get nearly enough credit for being able to deal with it.

When we were in high school, we had a terrific time. Sure, we had testing and the grades had to be maintained, but the main goal was to get out and move on so that we could find out what we wanted to do in life. Very few of us were really sure what we wanted to be, and I'll bet that a lot of them who were sure never did it.

Now, it seems as if the kids need to decide what they want to do with the rest of their lives two years before they even graduate high school. I'm sure that when the state tests or the exit exams or the SATs are given many young students can see the teacher or proctor grow to 10- or 12-feet tall and as this behemoth begins to block out the sun, they will offer encouraging words such as, " Do well on this test or you're doomed forever." I'm sure things like this don't really happen, but I'm equally sure that it seems that way for a lot of the students.

We didn't have those pressure tests. We didn't even have to take a comprehensive test to graduate. Basically, if you could somehow manage to get to school, make a complete sentence and get the tassel on any one of the four sides of your head, you were good to goThings were handled differently back then. There was no hulking faculty member blocking out the universe and threatening doomOn the contrary, quite often all I had to do was say the simplest little thing and a normal-sized teacher would just bow her head and mutter, "McCoy, you're doomed." There was much less pressure and things were handled in a more civilized manner back then.

I wouldn't want to have to pay the rent or buy a house today as a young college graduate just starting out. I wouldn'want to worry about health insurance or car insurance. Whaabout the price of gas? We had an awful lot of fun on $2 worth of gas. Now, $2 worth of gas will only take you as far as a ticket for loitering. Most of all, I wouldn't wanto be forced to have to make up my mind about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I've been thinking abouwhat I want to be when I finally grow up for over 35 years. I haven't made up my mind yetbut I've had a lot of fun and I've learned a lot of things trying to figure it out.

When all is said and done, I guess that it's best just to let nature take its course. So, somewhat like Dorian Gray, I've decided to just watch the image in the mirror get a little older every day while I stay young forever- or at least a little while longer.