Keeping a relationship healthy
Hints for partners to treat each other kindly

Maintaining a healthy connection with a partner can be challenging in today's busy world.

"Between family and work responsibilities, it's often easy for the couple's relationship to get lost in the shuffle," said Renée Haas, a Mooparkbased marriage and family therapist specializing in couples counseling and anger management.

Haas offers a few tips and conversation starters to help keep a relationship alive, pleasurable and enriching:

•Create a relationship "wish list." Each partner writes down 10 to 15 things they consider to be part of an ideal relationship. Then the partners review each other's lists and develop one list that includes the major things they will strive to achieve together.

•For couples with children, be sure to schedule at least one adults-only "date night" per week. Switch off who gets to pick where to go and what to do. Use your imagination. Surprise each other. Have fun.

•Choose platinum over gold. The Golden Rule asks that you treat others as you would like to be treated. The Platinum Rule encourages you to treat others, including your partner, as they would like to be treated.

•If a disagreement is getting too heated, one of the partners can call a time out. That person then takes responsibility for re-raising the issue sometime within the next 24 hours, when the partners have calmed down and can communicate more productively.

•Have a quiz night. Ask your partner five to 10 questions about yourself, such as "Who do I consider to be my best friend and why?" or "What was my favorite vacation we've taken together?" Even in long-term relationships, there's always plenty you can learn about each other.

•Share with your partner what lessons about relationships you learned from your family of origin. Explore which lessons have been helpful and harmful. Tell your partner several relationship skills you learned from him or her.

Haas is affiliated with Wellspring Counseling Group at 165 High St., Ste. 102, Moorpark. Contact her at (805) 579-4296.